


Home is Just a Room Full of My Safest Sounds

by luke_is_a_kirby



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Baby Boy Lee Jeno, Brotherly Love, Eating Disorder implied/referenced, Everybody Loves Lee Jeno, Fluff, Gen, Lee Jeno Needs a Hug, Lee Jeno-centric, Not Beta Read, Not Really But Y'all Get the Picture, Panic Attacks, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Relationships, Platonic Soulmates, SO MUCH FLUFF IT HURTS ME, Sad Lee Jeno, Self-Harm, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Lee Jeno, Sweet Lee Jeno, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:14:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22824703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luke_is_a_kirby/pseuds/luke_is_a_kirby
Summary: In front of the cameras, Jeno's always smiling; unwilling to show them when he's hurting, but it's different with his members. At home, they can see when he's in pain, when he needs help, when he's sobbing quietly in his room at 3 in the morning by himself. He's grown up with them, they're his family, and they would do everything they could to make sure Jeno gets the help he needs. But it's hard when Jeno refuses to listen, and choses to ignore everything until things finally cave in on him.
Relationships: Lee Jeno & Everyone, Lee Jeno & Na Jaemin, Lee Jeno & Park Jisung
Comments: 12
Kudos: 126





	1. (Jaemin)

**Author's Note:**

> Jeno loving hours hehe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quiet days and recharging with Jaemin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really wrote this in less than 2 hours and yet can't even finish my most popular fic here ahaha oops or do my hw. Anyways I was on a baby boi jeno agenda and could barely find any fics, so I thought why not change that and add my own contributions to this trope. But I hope y'all enjoy this! Also any mistakes you see are mine, I went over it a few times, but I didn't look at it that closely, I apologize for any errors!

Jeno liked to play to the public that he wasn’t big on showing affection, that he didn’t like being touched unless he initiated it himself. But videos and pictures of Jeno with various members argue otherwise. The teen was always seeking after touch, thighs pressed together when they’re sharing a couch, an arm thrown around whoever was sitting next to Jeno, locking hands with another member, or even planting himself in their laps when given the opportunity. Despite his protests, NCTzens know better than to believe Jeno, often finding mannerisms of Jeno’s contradictory to what he says. And despite what many fans believe in spite of that, Jeno was the most affectionate of them all. 

Jeno’s always after affection, everybody in NCT knew that. Whenever he was feeling alone or just got too into his head, he would seek out one of his members and just lay with them, cuddling into their warmth until he fell asleep. Other times Jeno would just rest against their chests or lie with his head in their laps as he ranted to them about something or another while they pet Jeno’s hair. Though, the boy always nodded off eventually.

It was something all the members had grown to cherish, even the hyungs in the other units. Jeno often resorting to another dorm when his members could not be found when he was seeking affection. It had been a habit of his ever since they all moved in and Jeno grew comfortable around them to ask for cuddles. The Dreamies remembered the very first few instances it happened, they were very much surprised.

.

The first one Jeno approached was Jaemin, the two had basically grown up with each other since getting into SM and had stuck with each other through thick and thin. Jaemin was Jeno’s best friend and the same for Jeno, but Jaemin didn’t know what that entailed until a few months later after they were put into Dream together and were living in the dorms. 

It was a free day for them and Jaemin remembered he was in the kitchen, eating some fruit while scrolling on his phone when lanky arms from behind suddenly made their way around his waist and Jaemin jumped in fright. Jeno who usually laughed when he manages to scare the members was instead eerily quiet and just buried his face into Jaemin’s back, arms tightening around the other boy when Jaemin tried to turn around to see Jeno’s face.

Jeno refused and instead whined until Jaemin shushed him and gently led him into Jaemin’s shared room. This was very out of character for Jeno, Jaemin never having faced this side of Jeno before but he still took it all in stride, the only thing on his mind was to take care of Jeno and give him to care and comfort he was obviously seeking for. Thankfully everybody else was out of the dorms, taking the day off to wander around Korea while Jaemin and Jeno had chosen to stay in and relax for once. Try as one might, Jaemin could not get Jeno to let go and climb into his bed, and instead switched tactics and tried to get the teen to lay down with him while still attached. With a little struggle and a few elbows and knee for his troubles, Jaemin managed to get the two of them acclimated on the bed, lying on their sides, it wasn’t the most comfortable, but it was the best Jaemin could do at the moment.

The two were almost spooning if it had not been for Jeno trying to curl in on himself despite that Jaemin was in the way of his legs to fully turn into a ball. After a little coaxing of soft words and patience from the other boy, Jaemin was finally able to rearrange them into a position that was more comfortable for him, and also still comforting for Jeno. The two were spooning, Jeno’s back flat against Jaemin’s chest, and Jeno’s arms searching the sheets until they locked with Jaemin’s hands as Jeno brought them to wrap around his stomach. The covers were rumpled near the bottom of the bed, getting caught in their feet as they lie in comfortable silence until they both dozed to sleep in each other’s arms.

The next time Jaemin opened his eyes, he was met with a tickling sensation underneath his chin and a weight on his chest; it wasn’t until Jaemin looked down that he remembered that he fell asleep with Jeno who had not let go of him even in his sleep. The boy had moved though, before when they were chest to back, Jeno had turned over and in doing so had pushed Jaemin on his back where Jeno now found shelter under Jaemin’s chin, nose tucked into the juncture of his neck, as the rest of his body sprawled over Jaemin’s, legs tangled in warmth. 

Jeno’s hands were curled into tight fists, his skin almost white gripping Jaemin’s t-shirt that it was most likely crinkled by now, but that was the least of Jaemin’s worries, instead he brought his hands up to cover Jeno’s, trying to open his fists and pull them away from his shirt, more worried about Jeno hurting himself from clenching so hard rather than his shirt. Unfortunately for Jaemin, by the time he got the other boy to let go, he was slowly waking up from his nap, his eyes fluttering open and closed as he tried to fight the pull of sleep.

The two lay in the quiet of the room, the light shining through the window outside was not as bright as when they first fell asleep, telling Jaemin that they had been napping for a while. Jeno didn’t speak, instead playing with Jaemin’s right hand, rotating between his thumb rubbing circles softly on his skin and pulling on his fingers every so often while Jaemin’s left hand was locked with Jeno’s right tightly as if he was afraid Jaemin was going to let go if given the chance.

They stayed in each other’s arms until the rest of the Dreamies came back, making a ruckus as they entered the dorm, arguing about what they were going to eat for dinner tonight. When Jeno heard their voices, he slowly pushed himself up and was now straddling Jaemin’s lap, their hands still locked but now rested on Jaemin’s abdomen. The two held eye contact for a while before Jeno broke it and leaned down to press a soft kiss to Jaemin’s cheek before unlacing their hands to climb out of Jaemin’s bed and headed for the bathroom.

By the time Jeno came out, Jaemin was in the kitchen cooking dinner for everyone, laughing at something Jisung said as he retold his day to Jaemin. Hearing his steps, everybody looked up and greeted Jeno as he approached the table and took a seat next to Mark, an empty seat on his other side. Jeno didn’t say much during dinner, but Jaemin could tell that Jeno was doing a lot better than he was earlier and was pleased to see the teen eating and engaging with the other members when they probed for a response from the quiet boy.

After dinner, Jeno stayed back to help with the dishes even though Jaemin told him it was fine, the two working together to wash and dry the dishes, the running water filling the silence in the room. When they were done, Jaemin went to leave after thanking Jeno for his help when a hand caught his wrist before Jaemin could take another step forward.

“Thank you.” Jaemin smiled while wrapping a hand around Jeno’s nape and gave it a squeeze as he tilted the other boy’s head down, kissing the crown of his head gently.

“Anytime Jeno.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this lived up to your expectations. This is my first kpop fic and it was for Jeno so I hope y'all liked it. I'm going to be writing a chapter for every Dream member, including Mark and maybe other members from the other units, I can't guarantee that I'll do them all though, so if there's an interaction you want to see, leave a comment and I might actually write it !
> 
> Also, the title is from Troye SIvan's "Talk Me Down", I really recommend the whole Blue Neighborhood album, it's one of my favorites despite how heartbreaking it is to listen to. This story isn't really meant to be sad, but it does hint to some things that may lead to sadness and such. For example anxiety, low self-esteem, separation anxiety, insomnia, and such. I won't really focus on that though and instead focus on how Jeno gets through these issues and his grows from them. I may wrote a chapter or so depending on what I feeling, but they will not be very dark nor harmful, just more explicit about the troubles Jeno's facing and his path to recovery/seeking for help.


	2. (Jisung)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jisung gets help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this chapter includes a little bit of self-harm, panic attacks, and mentions of an eating disorder so if you're not okay with reading that, I'd advise you to skip the part from where it says "Jeno was slumped in the corner near the shower..." to "Staring at Jaemin’s outstretched hand..." I didn't go into a lot of details during those parts, however, so please proceed with caution if you do choose to read that part!
> 
> Also, I wrote this all at like 2am and was running on like 3 hours of sleep that whole day, so if you see any mistakes, I apologize, I did check things over, but i'm only human lol but enjoy!

Being told that he was too young to understand was nothing new for Jisung, in fact he’s pretty sure he’s never encountered a week where he hasn’t heard those words, or at least it was implied most times. But Jisung’s tired of standing down and listening to his hyungs, not when he knew he was right. There was something wrong with Jeno, and Jisung doesn’t know why no one is doing anything about it.

Jeno being quiet for a few days is nothing out of the ordinary, but it’s been over a week and Jeno has barely spoken more than ten words in the dorms; not that Jisung’s been keeping track. But the others keep saying that Jeno is just tired or that he’s not in a good mood, but Jisung knows that they’re just excuses, he can see the way Jaemin and Renjun exchange worried glances whenever they think no one is looking when Jeno comes out of his room.

Jisung isn’t stupid, he knows there’s something going on and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

.

On the first day of Jisung’s “mission,” he decides to camp out in the living room hoping to catch Jeno alone to try to talk to him, but Jeno only came out of his room once around noon and he headed straight to the kitchen rummaging through the cabinets before racing back to his room when he noticed Jisung on the couch when he looked over his shoulder. Jisung only watched in confusion as his hyung looked panicked as he rushed to close the door shut to his room and realized that Jeno had run back empty handed.

Jisung ends up staying in the living room for the rest of the day hoping that Jeno would try to venture to the kitchen again, but was met with disappointment when Jeno’s door stayed closed for the whole night till dawn when Jisung finally passed out from exhaustion, but not before registering that Jeno had left empty handed which meant he had not eaten anything the entire day.

Was Jeno skipping meals? Why?

.

The next few days of Jisung tailing Jeno were also a failure. They had different schedules for most of the week, and on the days where Jisung did share a schedule with Jeno, they were too busy with recordings and learning new choreography for Jisung to even say more than a few words of encouragement to the other.

The only good thing that happened was that he saw his hyungs making more of an effort to talk to Jeno; at least they seemed to realize that Jisung was right, that there was something going on with Jeno, but as the days passed, he found that they were met with a similar fate as well.

It was now nearing the end of two weeks of Jisung trying to catch Jeno alone, and yet he somehow kept evading Jisung, it was as if Jeno had a second sense of when Jisung was looking for him. Obviously, Jisung could’ve knocked on Jeno’s door and talked to him then, but he didn’t want to be too straightforward as he saw Jeno slam the door in Donghyuck’s face when he came to visit the dorms earlier this week. If Jeno wasn’t talking to the other hyungs, what chance did he have of getting Jeno to open up?

.

Chenle was blissfully unaware of the tension residing in their dorm, but he was observant enough to know that something was going on with Jeno too and asked Jisung the first chance he got when they were sitting away from everyone during their small water break.

“What’s going on with Jeno-hyung?”

Clenching his jaw in frustration, Jisung didn’t know how to respond, did he tell the other that Jeno wasn’t eating, that he was locking himself in his room all day, that he was unwilling to talk to anyone that wasn’t his manager and even then he only responded in as few words as possible. Looking up into Chenle’s eyes, he could see the worry reflected in them, and Jisung realized that he couldn’t do this on his own anymore, he clearly wasn’t making any progress and Jeno wasn’t getting any better. In fact, he was looking a lot worse for wear.

Jeno was wearing baggy clothes, which wasn’t unusual, but it wasn’t hard to tell that he was looking a bit too skinny, far too pale for his usual active hobbies, and he wasn’t laughing let alone smiling. Even a blind person would notice that something was clearly wrong.

“I don’t know, I keep trying to corner him to ask him questions, but he keeps running away. And I see Jaemin-hyung and Renjun-hyung trying to talk to him as well, but Jeno keeps brushing them aside.”

“Do you want me to try to talk to him?” Lifting the bottle up to his mouth, Jisung paused to drink some water as he rooted through his thoughts. Jisung didn’t like giving up, but it was plain that he needed a new tactic and maybe Chenle might be able to solve things.

“Yeah, he’s been avoiding all of us in the dorms, even Donghyuck-hyung who doesn’t even live with us. I don’t know how he’ll respond, but maybe you’ll get a better reaction out of him.”

.

Chenle, in fact, had seemed to make things worse. Jeno was now actively avoiding all of them and staying in his room doing who knows what the whole day. Jisung knew that something needed to change, he was afraid of what could happen if they kept up this charade, leaving Jisung with no choice.

Normally doors didn’t scare him, but standing in front of Jeno’s door was absolutely terrifying. Jisung didn’t know what to expect, heck he wasn’t even sure if Jeno was going to open his door for Jisung. Taking in one last deep breath, Jisung raised his fist to the door and knocked.

Jisung held his breath, hands starting to shake from anxiety as Jeno didn’t respond. Thinking that maybe the other hadn’t heard him, Jisung knocked again, this time a lot harder. Still no response.

Not sure of what to do next, Jisung hesitantly tried the door knob and was surprised to find it unlocked. Should he open the door, how mad was Jeno going to be? Hand still resting on the handle, Jisung took a dive into the deep end and turned his hand, slowly popping his head into the open doorway.

When he found no sign of Jeno in his room, Jisung finally stepped into the room and softly closed the door behind him. Where was Jeno? He had to be in here, Renjun had been taking shelter in the living room with his painting, so Jeno had to be in here somewhere.

Noticing the light on in the bathroom, Jisung started to walk to the door, heart pounding in nerves, he hoped Jeno was in there and was just taking a shower or something. Reaching the door, Jisung thought about barging in like he did earlier, but thought better of it and knocked again.

No response this time, but Jisung could hear movement behind the door.

“Jeno-hyung, I know you’re in there. Can we talk?” Jisung was met with more silence, he was beginning to become worried. “Jeno-hyung, please, I’m really worried about you.”

When Jeno still remained quiet, Jisung sighed loudly hoping that Jeno would finally give in, “If you won’t come out, I’m going to come in hyung.”

Jisung counted to ten before he made his decision, he needed to make sure Jeno was okay. He wasn’t even sure if Jeno locked the door, but Jisung knew he needed to get to the other. Roughly swinging the door open, Jisung silently thanked the world that it was unlocked and was blinded by the light as he first stepped into the room. It took a few blinks before Jisung’s eyes adjusted, but when they did, he froze in shock when his eyes found Jeno.

Jeno was slumped in the corner near the shower, head dropped low and his right hand was gripping his left arm harshly. Jisung could hear Jeno’s loud, ragged breathing, it seemed to echo in the silence. Upon closer inspection, Jisung realized that he had been wrong, Jeno wasn’t just gripping his arm roughly, he was raking his nails into the soft skin of his inner forearm, creating a bunch of red lines from where his nails dug a little too deep and cut into his skin. Why was Jeno hurting himself? Realizing that Jeno’s arm was beginning to bleed, Jisung knew he needed to stop him from hurting himself any more.

“Jeno-hyung, stop it. Stop! You’re hurting yourself, JENO!” Jisung scrambled to grab Jeno’s hands to try to keep them apart and stop Jeno from inflicting more scratches down his arms. But even amidst his panic, Jeno fought back, pushing Jisung away and crying at him to leave him alone, but Jisung wasn’t going to leave Jeno to suffer on his own.

“JENO-HYUNG!” Shouting again only caused Jeno to become more frantic, more aggressive; he was now kicking out and crying loudly. Swearing, Jisung didn’t know what to do, he was afraid that he was going to mess up and make Jeno even more upset than he already is. 

When Jeno finally managed to push Jisung a few feet away, he began to curl up into himself, hands coming up to pull his head in between his knees, his breathing getting heavy as if Jeno had forgotten to breathe, body shaking in fear.

Jisung stared at the scene with wide eyes as he tried to wrap his head around everything that was happening. Jisung isn’t blind, he knows that Jeno was on his way to having a panic attack, and a large one at that, but he’s never dealt with them before. Sure, he’s seen Renjun and Jeno calm Jaemin down from his attacks when he couldn’t get their choreography down, but this was different. This was his hyung, Jeno.

And Jisung’s never been that great at comforting people, but damn was he going to abandon Jeno when he was suffering. Finally making up his mind, Jisung slowly approached the other again, being more conscious of his movements and hoping to not spook Jeno into another frenzy.

“Jeno-hyung?” Calling out quietly, Jisung reached out when they were in arm’s reach, hand moving carefully as he touched Jeno’s back. Jeno flinched at the initial touch, but when Jisung began to gently rub circles on the other’s back, Jeno’s hunched form slowly began to untense at Jisung’s touch.

Mumbling more reassurances, Jisung continued stroking Jeno’s back, his heart starting to calm when he felt the shaking in Jeno’s body begin to slow. “I’m sorry for scaring you, I didn’t mean to, but you weren’t responding. Jeno-hyung, I don’t know what’s wrong and I’m not asking you to tell me, but please you need to tell someone, you’re not doing okay.”

When Jeno’s body finally stopped shaking in terror, the dam broke and Jeno burst into tears, loudly sobbing this time as he collapsed into Jisung’s side. Jisung was beginning to panic again, he didn’t know what to do when a hand suddenly touched his shoulder and felt someone’s presence drop down next to him. Jolting in shock, Jisung looked up to meet Renjun’s eyes with Jaemin standing right behind him. Jeno’s cries must have been really loud if they were here in Jeno’s bathroom.

Staring at Jaemin’s outstretched hand, Jisung glanced down at Jeno who was now cradled in Renjun’s arms before sliding his hand into Jaemin’s; his hyungs were here, they were going to help Jeno. Sighing in relief, Jisung stood up with the help of the other before he was ushered out the door to call the hyungs for help.

.

“Thank you, Jisungie,” jerking in surprise, Jisung looked up to see Jaemin walking into their room, his shoulders slumped over in relaxation for the first time in weeks.

“For what?” Jaemin stayed quiet as he slipped the camera bag from his shoulder to drop onto his desk gently as he sorted through his thoughts before responding.

“For helping Jeno… Renjun and I noticed there was something wrong, but every time we tried to talk to him, he always managed to escape or made a bunch of excuses. We didn’t… we didn’t know what to do, we even thought of going to Doyoung-hyung for help, but you beat us to it and got to Jeno first.

So, thank you… And I’m sorry for saying that you were too young to understand, I just didn’t know what to do. I was so frustrated when Jeno wouldn’t talk to me or Renjun when he clearly needed help, but he kept rejecting us and I was so angry because he knew it too, but he was too stubborn to accept it. But I was wrong, I was just making excuses because I was too embarrassed to admit that I failed.”

Jisung sat in shock as he listened to Jaemin’s confession, he wasn’t expecting an apology or anything really; in fact Jisung was just glad that Jeno was doing okay again, but it really meant a lot to hear that his hyung didn’t think he was just some dumb kid that didn’t know anything anymore. Jisung knows that their two-year age difference wasn’t much, but they loved to coddle him and shelter him from the cruel reality of the world, and he was growing tired of being exempt from certain conversations just because of his age.

It warmed his heart to hear Jaemin take his words into consideration, that he was mature enough for situations like this. “It’s no problem, hyung, I’d do anything for Jeno-hyung and the rest of you.”

The two shared a soft smile before Jaemin fell in bed next to Jisung with his camera in hand, “Want to see some photos I took?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight abrupt ending, I couldn't really think of a better ending and I just wanted to publish this for you y'all as soon as I could. And Happy Lunar New Year to all of you who celebrate it, I wish you all the best of luck and happiness! Anyways, thank you for reading this far, it really means a lot to me especially since it's nearly been a year since I first started this story. I was actually going to do Renjun next because his relay cam inspired me, but Jisung's story just wrote itself before I even realized what was happening haha
> 
> But thank you so much for all the love a support y'all have been leaving me! It really means a lot and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Also, I decided not to go into detail about Jeno getting help because I was thinking of making that a future chapter, so please do keep an eye out for that! Comments and kudos are very much appreciated and you could be the reason why I update haha
> 
> Till Next Time! xXx

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated and I try my best to respond to all the comments ! Also drop a follow or something on my [twitter](https://twitter.com/xo_txrx), i'm starting to post little prompts and if there's enough interest, i might actually write them out lol but thanks for reading !


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